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About Fo Fo

Fo Fo knows all and sees all.  Blessed with overwhelming knowledge from the Gods of football, punting and the Workplace Relations Act 1996, Fo Fo has the answers that you need.

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Current Questions

Current Answers

Current Questions to be Answered

Dear Fo Fo,

As a hardcore feminist championing women's rights, I recently celebrated my separation by asserting a woman's right to max out her estranged husband's credit card and also bought a pair of those low cut jeans. The lady in the store said I may need to do some "hair maintenance" in order to wear them so I shaved my eyebrows off. I think I am a bit of a hornbag but no man will touch me - am I going crazy?

SHP

Dear Fo Fo,

I am paid ludicrous amounts of money to front the best football side in the world yet I can't score unless I am within 8 yards of goal. Can I claim this as a tax deduction?

RVN

Dear Fofo,

My mummy says that you look like an Italian Stallion and that she wants to meet with you for a Jim Beam or three. She said that you must earn a lot of money because you play soccer. She thinks that you would be a very good Daddy. My mummy used to barrack for the Morwell Falcons because they were near her home town of Moe. Could you please send her a signed autograph and your phone number?
Love, Jaidyn 

Dear Fo Fo

I don't know how to pass and people say I look like Ernie on Sesame St. What should I do?
Denilson

Dear Fo Fo

My teammates accuse me of not passing the ball to them and trying to beat every player on the pitch. I don't want to pass to them because they are all f***ing hopeless and I know that the only way we'll win is if I carry them on my back. How can I make them see the light?

Rivaldo.

Dear Fo Fo,

My barista keeps serving me double espressos that are too long, and without substantial cream on top. I feel like I should say something, but I don't want to upset him. What do I do?

Coffee Nazi

Dear Fo Fo

I keep getting my left and right boot mixed up. Please help.

F. Farina

Dear Fo Fo,

I am coach of a team that wears navy blue, we are bottom on the ladder and have the worst player list in history. There are currently rumours I will be sacked.  what should I do?

Mr W. B

Dear Fo Fo,

I heard that you were a legal boffin, so excuse the side question to follow. Legally, when is it that ‘no’ means ‘yes’?

Devine

Dear Fo Fo,

My boyfriend keeps telling me to barrack for a real team, but he goes for Carlton. When does the irony officially kick in?

WCE Fan 

Dear Fo Fo,

My friends have given me an annoying yet irritatingly appropriate nickname that I can't stand. It has unfortunately stuck despite many protests. What should I do?

Carlo 

Current Answers

Dear Fo Fo

I'm sick of people saying that I had the "touch of lead" when it came to playing for Australia. How can I erase the pain?

AV

Dear cursed Aurelio, sorry, AV

Sometimes a human being can do something so horrible, so terribly wrong, that the effects are felt though history and reverberate throughout the spacetime continuum for eternity. These individuals have no chance to clear their name.  So you might as well get it over with and top yourself.  And I hope you suffer for at least 90 minutes and years to come, like I have.

Fo Fo.

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